What Women Get Wrong about Divorce and Money

Are you struggling with your finances? What is your relationship to money?

Do you feel like money is a Mafia Lord or a Comforting Advisor? 

Adina Laver is a brilliant educator and coach. With her MBA, Master’s in Education, former Principal, a Certified Professional Coach and Neuroscience Junkie she has the skills and insight to get you unstuck. Paulette and Adina share a similar philosophy about the current flawed divorce landscape and how they both are determined to help others get through the process with as little damage as possible, emotionally, mentally, physically and yes…financially. 

Even though Adina was an experienced educator who taught internationally, a non-profit leader, a change manager and a leader to navigate change she was always contenting to grow and increase her skills and education. Her life all changed when she enrolled in a course in coaching and the instructor asked the question….List 3 things that make you HAPPY?? 

Well, this question sent her into a sweat!! Sad to say she confesses she had no idea that made me happy! She did hard work, obligation and commitment. “I didn’t do happy.” She was terrified and couldn’t answer the question. Adina began to ask more thought provoking questions. How am I going to figure that out? If my life has not been centered around being happy what was it entered around? Just what was the common theme surrounding all her decisions. 

Here are a few common questions surrounding the desire we all have to be “Happy”

What do I need to do to seek approval? 

What do I need to do to win approval? 

How do I gain the most approval? 

I can relate… MAN OH MAN!! 

Courage to be Curious was born. Money Mindset was created. Freeing women from old stories with learning to ask bold questions was the start of the journey. 

We all need to ask ourselves….

If I can’t work through my stuff …how can I help others? 

What do you constantly internalize and say to ourselves that set us up for failure? 

We start to ask ourselves… What’s wrong with me? OR Blame the other person. 

Rejection is a real fear we all face. Judgement is real fear we all face. 

Here is a question to ask yourself as soon as you feel those insecurities arrive. 

Question: What is the worst case scenario? Could you handle it and what would you do? 

Our subconscious can’t handle it so we avoid it. 

We learn to know what is a priority in living authentically. Dealing with old world ideologies and paradigms. 

Are you willing to accept the outcome? How do you cultivate the courage to ask those questions? 

We all have an innate curiosity when we are younger and this unfortunately diminishes as we age because we seek security and comfort. 

Habituation causes this natural curiosity to be harder to create change as we get older. Curiosity as a skill but it is teachable. Like going to the gym. Courage and curiosity go hand in hand. The more you do the easier it gets and the more success you have. 

And we all have curiosity with money too. It gives us a certain kind of freedom and yet it is one of those things we struggle with the most due to our relationship with money. How do we treat money? That is our relationship with money? 

We … Disrespect, Disengage, Surrender our power, Abuse, Hoard, Control, Fear, Paralysis…with money.

How do you suggest people start getting curious about their money mindset? 

First type this simple techniques to clarify who and what your relationship with money is. In divorce particularly we all need to get CLEAR on what money represents to us and how we treat and use money…just as if it were another person. 

If money were a person what would they be? 

Would it be a loving advisor, a confidant father or a Mafia lord?

How do you feel about the character or personality of the character you identify with money?

What’s your person? Do you like that person you choose? Is this the person and relationship you want to have with money?

You can’t change it if you don’t own it. 

Write down the last 5 interactions you had with money. Note emotions and thoughts in each of these. These shifts are changes we need to make in our subconscious!