Is Divorce a Trick or a Treat?
Divorce is as scary as you imagine it to be.
Divorce is like trick or treating. You contemplate what character to show up as, prepare your best route, gather your friends and family to parade along with you and hope you get something good out of the trek…only to come home at the end the evening to empty out your “goodie bag” to find a few token scores” and bunch of crappy Mary Janes.
The climate is more bitter than you recall, the “costume” is uncomfortable or falls apart and an ache in your belly is the end result.
Seriously, there is nothing pleasant about divorce and it can be scary as hell.
My own horrifying divorce process lasted over 8 years in a full litigated 12-day trial all the way to the appellant court. I endured legal delay tactics that resembled a thriller. I feared discussing divorce with my spouse and kept my feelings and thoughts to myself for years. He lived his life and I lived mine with date night helping us hold it together. It was easy to avoid each other as the kids kept me scheduled, worried and frantic.
Ultimately, I survived and came out stronger in the end, but I knew I had to do something meaningful to prevent others from having the same experience I endured. I needed a strong team, survival instincts and a journal to keep track of the many lessons learned the hard way.
Better Divorce Academy was born out of my desire to create a safe, resourceful and empowering platform for anyone contemplating, blindsided by, surviving and healing from divorce.
Embarking on the divorce journey alone feels like trick or treating alone; creepy, sad, alarming, eerie, intimidating and shocking.
Don’t do it! Don’t even think about it.
Thankfully word is getting out that going it alone before, during or after divorce is a lonely, painful and challenging route to take. I receive emails, texts, calls and knocks on my door from people inquiring about the work I do.
As a Registered Mediator, Trauma-Informed Certified Divorce Coach and Career Transition Specialist I save time, money, relationships and heartache. My personal journey changed everything about who I am and how I serve people who deserve and desire a better divorce experience and outcome.
I personally support, expertly guide and fiercely coach women (and a few men) using Better Divorce Blueprint, a guidebook, eight module online course, planner/journal and deck of cards to serve, support and assist ALL things divorce to more people than I would be able to 1:1.
It would have been easier to allow being insulted, criticized, judged, sued, cut out of a will, disregarded and abandoned to further damage my soul. My personal story and pain became my character and skills to serve with. It is only possible to find peace by following the advice you give to others.
I utilize my years of extensive yoga, tantra, Ayurveda, Macrobiotics, Reiki, doula, somatic, dance, coaching and divorce experience to host a podcast The Thriving in Chaos Project bringing experts in their fields deep conversations to educate and empower others along their own journey.
Better Career Project was born out of the necessity that most women lose child and spousal support and have NO plan B. Whether someone is looking for a new position, striving for that dream job, starting a new business or looking for a position that matches their current skills better; I have been there and helped hundreds of women create futures that are successful and satisfying.
I am often choked up hearing scary, drama-filled shocking situations after a distressing scenario.
Abuse in all of its seven forms, (financial, emotional, mental, psychological, spiritual, physical and sexual) parent alienation, estrangement, narcissist control, codependency, financial loss, health ruin and wellness collapse.
A marriage’s dissolution is distressing and affects every aspect of a couple’s life together and apart.
The cast of characters in divorce may not be wearing scary skeletons, ghost or witch costumes but their evil behavior is the same. I often say that criminal law is bad people on their best behavior and family law is good people on their worst behavior.
Divorce is known to bring out the worst in anyone. The very person whom you trusted to share your life completely, unconditionally and genuinely managed to change character while you were busy working on getting through the day.
For the record, I am not pro-divorce, just like I am not pro-cancer. A healthy marriage is a truly sacred, beautiful and significant connection between two committed mutually loving people. I am joyfully remarried and the grandmother of 2!
When the connection of marriage fails life gets scary. We need protection if that happens. Just as the thought of trick or treating alone is intimidating and scary so is embarking on navigating the journey of divorce but with much greater consequence.
Speak up, ask for help, reach out and make sure you know who is wearing a mask and who isn’t.